I am perfect and so are you

Worthiness, holiness and the essential wound of humanity

Oh boy. You know when you think you’re struggling but you’re kind of ok but then some tiny thing breaks you and you realise you’re facing some really dark shit?

That’s where I got to this morning.

In a way it’s a relief; I’ve been feeling low for months and not able to pinpoint why - an existential malaise from a lack of creative fulfilment seemed like a perfectly logical explanation.

But no, turns out it’s the dark shadow of unworthiness. If you’d asked me a week ago if I thought I had worthiness issues I would have said no.

I know I’m worthy. The problem is I’m not feeling it.

The aggravating reality is that knowing something purely at an intellectual level is pretty much useless aside from passing history tests - if you don’t know something in your heart and in your bones, it’s probably not having much impact on you one way or the other.

In my case it’s connected to feeling like the way I am built is “wrong”; I’m not a fit for what society says I should be. I’m not productive, I don’t care about making money, I don’t think I should have too “earn” my right to exist.

The problem is that there’s a part of me that does believe those things.

I know it’s not true but somewhere in me it’s taking up a good deal of goddamn real estate and impeding my ability to be myself and to feel good.

As I sat with that realisation - that I feel unworthy because I am not these things that society (and my ancestral lineage) says I should be - another voice came in and said, “I am not those things, but I am God’s perfect creation”.

I am God’s perfect creation.

And those words cracked me open because - thank God - I know them to be true, know it in my heart and my bones. I may not be what I am “supposed” to be, but what I am is perfect.

I am a unique expression of the divine and how could anything about that be wrong?

I am perfect as I am. It cannot be otherwise; we are perfectly created to be exactly that which we are in this lifetime. Every aspect carefully selected in order for us to have the experience we need and desire. Brilliantly designed.

All things have their place

And that which we are inherently serves a function, as all things do. So not only are we perfect in and of ourselves, but we are perfectly designed to serve a very specific function in the ecosystem that we inhabit.

Trying to go against that and be other than we are is a disservice to ourselves and to society. And it’s a disservice to God*. It’s unholy; holiness is knowing the perfection of God in ourselves.

The medicine for unworthiness is remembering that we are holy; we are created by divine intelligence and therefore we have been intelligently designed to be exactly what we are.

And we have to claw our way back to what that looks like.

Because that is the greatest service we can do for ourselves, for the cultural evolution of our species, and for God - to be the completely unique weirdos that we are.

Not trying to be anything else, not trying to adapt to a society that is clearly completely fucked. Just being as we are. Peeling off those layers of belief that we should be something else, or somehow other than we are.

It’s like a frog thinking that it should be a lion. That’s completely insane, right? Like, it needs to be a frog. Everyone needs it to just be a frog. And it’s so sad because frogs are fucking wonderful, and it’s just so sad that a frog would not want to be a frog and that it would think that being a lion is better.

It’s not better, it’s just different. Both are needed. Both are perfect.

And every time we think we are not ok as we are, we fracture our connection to source, to love, to our own holiness. And that disconnection, that belief that we are anything less than perfect love, is the essential wound of humanity.

The pain of that separation is what drives all distortion, contraction and incoherence in this world.

The beauty, magic, and resilience of life lies in diversity, and all the things we’ve been told that contradict that are lies. They’re just lies. The more unique we are, the more beautiful we are, the more we are celebrated in the invisible realms and in the ways of the soul, the ways that count.

Be a bold frog

But it takes so much courage.

It takes so much courage to be different in this world. To stand up and say, “I’m a frog”, when you’re surrounded by lions, if you’ll excuse me continuing with that somewhat bizarre analogy :D

But we are rewarded for that courage. I am most proud of myself and most at peace with myself when I am courageous. Even if I think I might be ostracised, shamed, shunned or even die, I feel the most pride and therefore worthiness when I am brave, when I am true to myself.

In some moments it’s just very clear that that is more important than anything else. What the fuck is the point in being here, in being alive if we aren’t true to what we are? What am I then? A puppet for someone else’s thoughts and ideas and beliefs? A canvas for society to project its fucked up ideas onto?

I will not be that.

And I disagree with most of what society says we should be and how we should be living and how we should be treating ourselves, each other, the earth and the other inhabitants of this planet. Vehemently.

And because of that I’m in a constant state of tension between what I authentically am and what I believe and how I want to show up in the world, and what society tells me I should be, how I should show up, what I should believe.

It just all feels wrong.

Really wrong. I don’t think I’ve ever come across a message in society (one which is embodied, not just given lip service) that has felt right to me. Which is probably why I’ve always found it so hard to be here; because it’s always been very clear to me that this is all wrong.

Mostly what I feel is dissonance and incoherence, and it’s terrifying because there are billions of people going along with that shit despite the fact that it’s clearly fucked up.

And that makes it really hard to be here.

And it’s also why I’m here. To be a voice that says No. Not like that.

I think that those of us who don’t feel like we fit the mould have an important role to play - to presence different perspectives, to ask hard questions, to be awkward for society, to shake things up.

It’s not bloody comfortable.

But it’s where both our worthiness and our holiness lie; in embracing that within us which is true, and firmly and lovingly rejecting all else.

*Replace with Source / the divine / the intelligent force that drives existence or whatever words you have to describe the origin of consciousness.